1. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?” asked the nurse. “OOPS!” 2. Patient: Doctor, you told me I have a month to live […]
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?” He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation; don’t worry. I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort […]
A woman went to her doctor’s office with a seemingly incurable case of hiccups. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. […]
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An old lady goes to the doctor. She mentions that no matter what when she farts, they are always silent and don’t smell. To illustrate her point, she lets one go. Old lady: See, Doctor, it was silent, and I don’t smell anything. Doctor: I see, I am going to give you a prescription, then […]
A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This […]
My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking. […]
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news? Doctor: I’ve been […]
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A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office. “Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,” she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do […]
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the day’s activities when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, “Damn, some a**hole […]