Tag Archives: Joke
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Painters memory
Posted on January 19, 2022 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineThree men broke into the studio of a famous modernistic painter. They tied up the artist, forced open his wall safe and fled with all his money, tape recorder, TV, and all that they could put their hands upon. The next day the artist was found and released. He immediately called the police. “Would you […]
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The mysterious sender
Posted on January 12, 2022 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineOne morning a customer entered my flower shop and ordered a bouquet for his wife. “No card is necessary,” he instructed us. “She’ll know who sent them.” The delivery truck hadn’t even returned to the store when the phone rang. It was the customer’s wife. “Who sent the flowers?” she asked. After explaining that the […]
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Which Side?
Posted on January 5, 2022 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineAs my two sons were climbing into the back seat of our car, Eric, five, yelled, “I call the left side!” That didn’t sit well with Ron, four. “No, I want the left side!” “I want the left side!” “No, I want the left side!” Intervening, I said, “Since Eric is older, he can have […]
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Stop or slow down
Posted on December 29, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineA lawyer is driving a car down the street and instead of stopping at the stop sign, the lawyer slows down. A policeman sees this and pulls the car over and asks the man why he didn’t stop at the stop sign. “It’s the same thing,” the lawyer stated, “I don’t believe there is a […]
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Smile
Posted on December 29, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineAs a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. It always struck me as odd to be asking this question right after brain surgery, so a colleague suggested I ask patients to show me their teeth. Armed with this new phrase, I said to […]
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Finding God
Posted on December 22, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineA Russian cosmonaut comes back from his space travel. Brezhnev receives him: “Tell me the truth, comrade. Did you meet God up there?” “If you want the truth — yes, I found him!” replies the cosmonaut. “I thought so,” replies Brezhnev. “Now promise me never to reveal this to anyone.” After a few months, the […]
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A Job for eternity
Posted on December 15, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineJesus was bored so he went to God his father and asked him, “Dad, give me something to do, I am bored! ” “Take a file and smooth the top of the Himalayas,” said God. After 7,000 years Jesus came back again. “And now what can I do?” he asked God again. God gave him […]
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Impressions
Posted on December 8, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineAs the dentist laboured over my teeth, he tried to make small talk. “What do you do?” he asked. “I’m a comedian,” I answered. “Interesting.” After a pause, he said, “Let’s get an impression—” “It’s more observational humour, actually,” I interrupted. “I don’t do impressions.” The dentist continued, “—of your teeth.”
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Password Problems
Posted on November 17, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineWINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character. […]
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The Circle of Life
Posted on November 3, 2021 by Ela Gold in Laughing is the best medicineA whale swims all day, only consumes fish and water, and is fat. A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long, and only lives 5 years. Meanwhile a tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to eat well and exercise! I don’t […]
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